The Price of Loyalty - AS A WITNESS !!!

You know the accused?' The Prosecution Counsel Mr. Gupta asked.







`Yes, I do, sir.'






`Please look at the accused and then reply to the court.'






I did as I was asked to do.






`How do you know him?'






`He was the driver of my jeep in 1975, when I was the intelligence Offcer at Samba.'






`Did you ever take the accused across the border to Pakistan?'






`No, I never did so.'






`You never took him to Pakistan?' The counsel asked feigning surprise.'






`That's what I have just told the court.'






`But what about you? Did you go yourself or you did not do that either?' The counsel asked jeeringly.






`I object to this question,' the counsel for defence Mr. T.R. Thakur raised the objection.






`Objection overruled,' The Presiding Officer of the court announced.






`Well, sirs, I did not do that either.' I replied.






At this, the Prosecution Counsel declared the witness as bostile and requested for his withdrawal. But the defence counsel raised an objection on the plea that the witness could not be withdrawn as he was under oath. Then both sides extended the arguments.






The court was declared as closed for consideration.






After one and half hours deliberation the court reassembled and sustained the objection. I was allowed to be cross examined by the Prosecution Counsel.






Showing the statement, recorded at the S of E Sepoy Karam Singh signed by me on 04 December 1978, the Prosecution Counsel asked, `Are these your signatures?'






`Yes, these are mine.'






`Do you know giving a false statement in S of E even though it is not under oath, is an offence in the army?'






`Yes, I am aware of that.'






`Then read the contents of your statement. And if you still deny that means that as an officer you have committed an offence, under your direct knowledge. What have you to say to that?'






`Looking at the face of it yes, it is an offence. But its not so, knowing the circumstances under which I was made to sign. It was under duress that I signed it,' I answered and then I gave a detailed account of the circumstances under which the S of E Karam Singh was conducted and his statement recorded, to the court.






`Did you use to visit a post called Nanga during your tenure at Samba?'






`Yes, I used to. Infact not only Nanga I used to visit all the BOPs within the area allotted. But such visits were always official and as such recorded in the vehicle car diary.'






`Captain Rathaur I suggest you are lying. The fact is that you sent the accused across the border with a package, meant for Major Khan of the Pak FIU, in the last week of December 1975 or the first week of january, 1976.'






`Your suggestions are incorrect. I never sent the accused or anybody across the border with or without a package. The fact is that I was on leave during the alleged period. And I was spending the leave away from Samba in my village.'






On further cross examination I told the court that, in the first week of December, I had left Samba alongwith my family on a one month leave, that I had spent the leave at home at my village, and that this fact could be verified from people of the area, because during the leave I was made to inaugurate a "Shaheedi Diwas" ceremoney, organised in the memory of a soldier, who had died during the 1971 war with Pakistan. The function was organised by Shri Desh Bandhu, the President of the Gram Sudhar Sabha, a registered organisation.






Later I learnt that verification was done. Shri Hem Raj Sharma a shopkeeper, Shri Roshan Lal the Surpunch and Secretary, Cooperative Society and Shri Desh Bandhu, had come and deposed on the strength of official records that I was present in the village, during the alleged period.






My examination as a witness took two full days. I brought out all the circumstances under which, my statement called confession was obtained and how I was made to implicate other people falsely and that the accused was one of them.






I showed the injuries on my face to the court. I requested the court to observe and record the same in the proceedings.






At the end I pleaded, `I most humbly submit in front of the Hon'ble members of the court to kindly make a note. My life is in acute danger. Threats have been given to me that if I don't cooperate with interrogators then I would be killed and it will be declared that I was trying to escape. Sirs, I am not at all afraid of death, but of dying as a traitor I am - there is no question of my running away or trying to escape. I am innocent. Therefore, if I am found dead tomorrow, I request you to take my death as a gruesome murder for further investigations.'






There was death like silence which persisted for nearly a minute till it was broken by the Presiding Officer. He said, `Who has given you the threats and when were these given?"






`Sir, it was given to me by the officer who recorded my S of E at a time when he re-recorded my statement on the night of 01/02 January 1979.'






The Presiding Officer showed signs of bewilderment. Looking at the members he said, `Well this is entirely a new thing for the court. We got to record this.' He then looked at the DJAG for approval.






The DJAG (Deputy Judge Advocate General) is from the Judge Advocate General branch of the army. His functions are, to assist the court on legal points. He's also responsible for the recording of witnesses, preparations, maintainance and safe custody of the court proceedings.






When the Presiding Officer asked his approval, the DJAG declined to record the statement with a comment that it was purely an administrative matter and as such had nothing to do with the case the court was convened to try. The DJAG them told me, `We all sympathise with you. But we cannot do anything since the matter in this issue, is out of the jurisdiction of this court.'






`But, sir, the court at least can make a representation to the higher authorities in writing, recommending it to set up an enquiry for investigation....'






`Why did you not do so?'.... Aren't you an officer? Have you reported this matter to your CO or anyone else?' The DJAG questioned back, irritated.






I did not know what to say why I did not report. Could I say that I did not report because the matter which was to be reported was not only in the knowledge but had been done under the directions of a person no less than the Corps Commander himself! Even if I said that, who was there to believe me? They would ask me the source of such knowledge. I could not give the name of Captain Ranvir, in any case by then I did not know his name, lest he was also accused of being a spy! And so the allegation could not be proved. Hence considering the futility I tried to explain the reasons of my doing so, indirectly. I said,' sir, what was the use of reporting it to the CO, or any one else. Could I have expected any favourable action from him? Was not the S of E recorded at the instance of the CO, as it was? I mean could anyone come to my unit from outside during night without his consent?'






`Well, you're talking out of presumptions. We therefore, advice you to take the CO into confidence,' said the Presiding Officer, concluding the matter.






Back in the cell, I pleaded to the duty officer, who had escorted me to the court, to send the CO.






After an hour the CO came and I objected to the treatment being given to me. I also informed the CO about the manner and the circumstances by which my signatures were obtained on the statement by the officer recording the S of E. `Sir, I don't even know what is the charge and who all and what all has been deposed against me. I request you to kindly hear my case and if you still consider the charge against me out to proceed, then record my S of E according to the provisions of law and not the way it has been done.'






The CO appeared guilt ridden. He dared not to look at me. And it was obvious the CO was aware of the complete picture of the happenings. However, he explained the reasons of his inability to do anything. He said, `Rathaur, I am helpless to do anything. It's a very delicate and sensitive issue which is directly controlled by the Corps Hqs. I am sorry to say that your S of E cannot be re-recorded. I cannot do anything in this regard.'






At that I considered and submitted that at least the CO could do one thing. He could stop any interrogator from meeting and harassing me.






I also repeated my request, for medical aid and to be provided with some reading material.






The CO suggested that I should appeal in writing for the medical aid and then he would forward the request to the higher authorities.






When I asked for papers to write the appeal, it was not easily given and it was only the next day, that a paper torn from an old register was handed over to me for writing the appeal! I wanted to make a duplicate copy of the appeal, for my records, so I asked for an additional sheet of paper and a sheet of carbon. It was however not given.






In the appeal I wrote that I was brutally tortured, therefore a medical officer should be detailed, to carry out a physical examination to ascertain the extent of my injuries and to render a medical certificate. I also requested to be handed over my two letters for which my signatures were obtained without my receiving them; not to censor my mail, give proper facilities which are due to an officer under close arrest, to place an officer as my escort instead of an NCO, and to discontinue handcuffing inside the cell, I pleaded innocence and requested not to be treated like an animal, for permission and facilities to write to my wife and parents, that official information should be given to my wife about my arrest and the circumstances of the arrest, and finally for a special permission for my wife to meet me.






It was 10 January when the appeal was submitted. I asked in the appeal, that if the requests made were not under the powers of the CO to grant, my appeal should be forwarded to the authorities concerned who had jurisdiction and powers. The decision taken by such authority on my appeal should be conveyed to me in writing.






I never knew if there was any action taken on the appeal. My conditions were better at least in some respect, than the ones in the cell at Delhi. Here I was free to have a glimpse of outside world through the peephole. It was a different matter if the view was obstructed by the trees. Then I also saw the sun daily from the cold cell and yearned desperately to bathe in it. Since it was not possible, I bathed in my imagination only. I also used to stare at the moon and the stars undisturbed for hours together.






A day went and night came to bring yet another day. Under the immense mental pressure and the prolonged confinement I often thought and believed, that I always lived in these conditions. Time appeared to me as if centuries had passed. I even forgot at times that I was once an army officer with natural ambitions and had lived a free and highly respectable life. My heart burnt every moment. And anything which burns produces light. The intensity of light depends upon the source of burning. The more intense the burning, greater is the light. Similarly the burning of the heart also produces light. Though its often covered with smoke in the form of emotions. Control the emotions and you'll see the light. The more the burning, I thought, the nearer one is to salvation through enlightenment.






Yet I neither saw the enlightenment nor could I control my emotions to see the fire. The sun has tremendous light, it brightens the whole world and produces heat. It has no use and meaning for a traveller who's lost his way in the dark night. For him a tiny earthen lamp has more value than the sun if it's able to lead the traveller to his destination. And the burning of my heart, even if it produced tremendous heat was not worth even a tiny lamp; as it did not show me the path.






The hopes of getting better treatment faded into thin air. The courage and confidence gained after the deposition in the court, disappeared. I had an army man's belief that after people knew the truth, the atrocities would be checked and there would be investigations. While still waiting and expecting something honourable to happen, a small incident shattered my faith in the army command structure and melted my last hope like a suger cube.






Due to the physical torture I had undergone, I had developed a slow but persistent backache. Sometimes the pain used to become unbearable.






It was 14 January 1979. The pain became very intense. Finding it unbearable I requested for medical aid through the guard NCO. The next evening, I saw the door open and a medical officer, who, I later learnt was Captain Verma from the Army Medical Corps (AMC), entered the cell.






The doctor when told the severity of the pain, replied in a contemptuous voice, `Well, you deserve this. In fact you deserve more than what you're already made to suffer. Thank your stars that you're born in this country. Otherwise you would have been dead by now. Do you know the punishment for treason in other countries? And here you are complaining of pain! Hum? You deserve a dog's death... In any case authorities have decided to give you the maximum, what you deserve.'






I was horrified listening to the doctor. I knew that I could not expect a fair investigation of the case from the authorities. I must do some thing to make my voice heard. But what could I do? It was beyond my comprehension. It was evidently clear that the atmosphere was highly charged with prejudice against me. The interrogators were successful in impregnating the minds of people with bias.






It was not that I did not contemplate such prejudice as shown by the doctor, but I had expected the defusion after my deposition of the facts in the court. And it was certainly distressing to hear what I heard from the doctor.






I found myself unable to control the rumbling rage which erupted like a repressed valcano. I said, `Look, the job of a doctor is to relieve a person of pain, and not induce pains. You should leave that to the people who're doing it. It is a most noble profession, don't abuse it. Its not the wont of doctors. Even if you believe me to be a traitor, let others who have and are sparing nothing to make my life miserable, do that. And, if you still can't resist the temptation to cause me suffering, then you're welcome to give me some poison, which being a doctor you can easily do. So that you can take credit for having eliminated a traitor!... And if you are a coward to do that, then I suggest you recommend to the authorities to shoot me dead!! I am sure this way also you would get at least a share of participation in a noble job, of eliminating me.... a traitor!! That's what you say is the punishment for treason. Right?.... But let me ask you a question doctor, how do you know that I am a traitor? What do you know about me? How did you reach this conclusion?... listening to one side of the story which is being religiously propagated?'






The doctor came back to earth. He said, `Well, I've nothing to do with what you are... its only because everyone else is saying that.... Anyway show me where the pain is, I shall send the best medicine.'






`Thanks doctor, but I don't suppose there is any pain now, in my body after the treatment you've just given me. And the pain which I am suffering now, is beyond your professional competence to cure. I request you to leave me alone!' I said in disgust turning my back on the doctor.






The doctor tried to pacify me but when he found that I was too disturbed to listen, he left saying, `I will send the best medicine.'






The medicine was sent but I threw it in the commode and with it washed clear whatever little faith I had still left. I could not have any faith in the army doctors either.






It was futile for me to have asked for the medical examination. Firstly a medical examination could not be done and even if it was done, the medical examination would have been only an eyewash.






And apprehensions, that I had, later proved genuine.






No action was taken on my appeal except one. I was no longer chained to the window.






It became impossible for me to pass the time in the silence of the cell. There was every possibility for me to suffer from a brain haemorrhage due to excessively intense tension caused by thinking and the fear, unless I did something to divert my mind. But there was nothing; no reading material or anything with which to occupy my mind. So I decided to improvise something.






I started collecting empty packets of cigarettes and when there were enough of them, I devised various games. I would make castles, bridges, houses, tanks, guns by placing one packet on the other adjusting them here and there to give different shapes, for hours at an end. This, I found was a good past time.






I was bored playing the same games time and again. So I made a chess board on the floor by scratching lines into squares with a nail that I had removed from the wall, though it was not possible to see the squares due to the semidarkness in the room. To overcome the hurdle, I collected some cigarette packs, with the help of my uncut finger nails, into rounds and other shapes. I also made a pack of playing cards, out of the cigarette packs cut into rectangles, and engraved on them the four suits with the help of my nails, and then coloured each of them with burnt match sticks.






Thus putting the empty cigarette packs into multiple use, I had to myself three different games to keep my mind occupied.






Authorities, I thought to myself, seemed to wish me dead, but I would not give them the opportunity for celebrating, by dying. And I would feel a strange power lift my heart.

The Price of Loyalty - ARMY PROCEDURE !!!

An accused person in the army has enough safeguard against any type of exploitation, provided these are adhered to.







Any person subject to the Army Act, who is charged with an offence, may be taken into military custody. Any such person may be ordered into military custody by any superior officer.






It is the duty of every commanding officer to take care of that person under his command when charged with an offence and he is not detained in custody for more than forty-eight hours after the commital of such a person into custody is reported to him, without the charge being investigated, unless investigation within that period seems to him to be impracticable.






The case of any person being detained in custody beyond the period of forty eight hours, and the reason thereof, must be reported by the Commanding Officer to the General or any other officer to whom an application would be made to convene a general or district court martial for the trial of the person charged.






In case of an officer, custody means "arrest". It may be either close or open. And if the circumstances require it the officer may be placed under the charge of a guard, piquet, patrol, sentry or a provost marshal.






An officer in close arrest is placed in charge of an escort consisting of another, if possible, senior officer or of the same rank. He must not leave his quarter or tent except to take such exercises under supervision, as the medical officer thinks necessary.






An officer who is placed under arrest should always be informed in writing of the nature of the arrest which will be governed by the circumstances of the case and any chance in the nature of the arrest should be notified in writing to him.






As a rule, a CO will not place an officer under arrest without investigation of the complaint or the circumstances tending to incriminate him. The CO will always place an officer under arrest against whom he decides to prefer a charge and it is his duty to report each case of arrest without unnecessary delay to the proper superior authority.






An officer is placed under arrest either directly by the officer who orders it or by some subordinate carrying out his orders. That is by the Adjutant of the unit when the arrest is ordered by a superior officer of commander. The order may be verbal or written, the latter as being more formal, being the preferable method, except where the offence is committed actually in the presence of the CO or the superior officer.






The charge against every person taken into military custody must be investigated without unnecessary delay. The CO is responsible to ensure that the investigations are begun within forty eight hours of the committal of the person. Every case of a person being detained in custody beyond 48 hours and the reasons for the delay in disposing of the case must be reported to a superior authority.






The manner in which the investigation of charges by a subordinate commander or CO is to be carried is, regulated by Army Rules (AR) 22 to 25. His duty requires deliberation and the exercise of temper and judgement, in the interest alike of discipline and of justice to the accused. And the investigations must be conducted in the presence of the accused.






After the nature of the offence charged has been made known to the accused, the witnesses present on the spot who depose to the facts on which the charge is based, are examined. The accused must have full liberty of cross examination. The CO after hearing what is stated against the accused, will, if he is of the opinion that no offence at all, or no offence requiring notice has been made out, at once dismiss the case. Otherwise, he must ask the accused what he is to say in his defence and whether he has any witnesses to call, and will give him full opportunity both of making a statement and of supporting it by evidence. The CO will then consider whether to dismiss the case, or to deal with it himself or proceed with the case by reducing the evidence in writing.






The CO may record the S of E himself, or he may direct another officer to do so. But the S of E will always be recorded in the presence of the accused.






During the investigation, the officer conducting it, must be careful not to let fall, before the disposes of the case, any expression or opinion as to the guilt of the accused, or one which might prejudice him at a subsequent trial. It may happen that officers who have been present at the investigation are detailed as members of the court convened in consequence of it. Therefore nothing should be said or done which might, though unconsciously, bias their judgement before hand.






The charge sheet must be signed by the CO of the accused. It contains the place and date of such signatures.






The accused is given full opportunity to obtain legal advice at any time after his arrest.






Were these safeguards given to me? Was my case investigated as per the rules? The Army Act (AA) or the AR or even the Defence Services Regulation do not say anything of "interrogation" of an accused by any one. The conduct of the investigations can be done by the commanding officer alone and none else except by a subordinate officer whom the CO might direct. No one else is entitled to carry out such investigations, not the interrogators; not even the DMI. The DMI, at the most could feed information or lay down guidelines on which the CO may conduct the investigations.






Under what authority was then I interrogated for such a prolonged period and detained in the secret interrogation centre? Was a complaint made to my CO Lieut Colonel K.M. Nanda? Why was I not arrested in Kamptee if there was sufficient evidence to incriminate me, instead of calling me dubiously to Delhi as I was, and there also, I was put under close arrest by the Commandant Raj Rif Centre, Colonel Harbhajan Singh, instead of by Colonel Grewal, the superior officer? Why was I not given the reasons for my arrest even when I had asked for them? There was no charge sheet given to me either, so how could I be arrested? The delay report initiated by the Commandant said the nature of offence was not known. That meant that I and subsequently Captain Rana were arrested by the Commandant without any charge against us since I did not know what offence was committed. Why? Who knew it then? The DDMI(b) Colonel Grewal? Then why did he not arrest the officers himself?






Not only that, I was arrested by Colonel Harbhajan Singh, interrogated by the "Trimurty" under Colonel Grewal, and then shifted to Nagrota and placed under yet another commanding officer for the recording of S of E. There too every safeguard given to an accused under the AA, was ruthlessly violated. Why?






Why did my new CO not investigate the case as per the provisions of law and why did he not record the S of E himself?






Major Satpati was officer commanding Defence and Employment Company of the Hqs 16 Corps. Then under what authority was he detailed to record the S of E?. Who directed Major Satpati to do so? The CO? But the CO could not direct Major Satpati, an officer commanding a different unit. There was no provision under which Satpati could record my S of E because he belonged to a different unit. Who was behind that sort of unconstitutional jugglery in the army of a constitutionally democratic nation; India? It was surely someone among the higher echelon of the army. But who was he?






These were some of the questions which remained unanswered.






Let alone the procedures, I had signed my statement at the S of E without its contents being made known to me. Till of course I was handed over a copy of the S of E just a couple of days before the start of my trial.






Back in the cell, I could not sleep the whole night. My mind went wild with thoughts. I considered the idea of reporting the matter of my CO in protest. But unable to analyse the CO's attitude, I realised the futility of such an attempt. Without the CO's assent, my statement could not have been signed. This made me lose complete faith in my CO.






I was in any case, to be loser. My fate was as usual contriving against me.






I had not heard from my wife for over a month. I tried to distract my mind but could not help imagining for plight of my family, while living in dread in total solitary confinement to which I was subjected. I was physically broken and mentally unbalanced. But, there was nothing for me to do except to bear the excruciating pain of such sufferings. Spiritually too, I was in absolute darkness.






It was 03 January '79. Captain Ranvir, the independent witness, entered the cell. The officer told me that he had been deputed to look after, any problem I had.






`Rathaur, there are two letters for you from your wife. But the letters at the moment are with your CO for censor,' The officer told me and then producing a letter from the Corps Hqs asked, `kindly sign the receipt.'






I was too happy to think about anything except the news of my wife's letters, so I quickly signed the receipt. After the receipt was obtained the officer confided in me.






`You will not get these letters. They will never be given to you. I advise you Rathaur, not to sign on any receipt in future, till you have actually received the things. I really sympathise with you but I am helpless. Tell me why are these people after you? I am sorry for the way they're treating you. Also the way you were forced to sign the other night....'






I kept staring at the officer.






`I will tell you, but for God sake don't quote me, it all was done on the express directions from the Corps Commander; Lieut General Chandorkar.... He was mighty wild when he was told that you'd refused to make a statement. And Rathaur sorry to tell you..... if you'd not signed that night, then they would surely have carried out the threats.... Tell me why are they doing this to you...?'






Hearing words of sympathy, I broke down, Then I told the officer, briefly about the case and the tortures I had undergone. `I can tell you, sir, people have committed unimaginable and unspeakable atrocities on me and there appears to be no end to this sickening sad drama. Seemingly everyone appears to have become obsessed with the idea of unearthing spies, without caring to know the truth... I can say one thing... when the truth will surface, then they will live only to repent, and repent for the rest of their lives.... If you can then, do tell them not to feel happy by obtaining tortured and false confessions from innocents. I know they think they have donned diamond necklesses of the spies, but what they don't know that each diamond is a deadly cobra and each cobra will bite them, with its deadly fangs. And even if they are able to escape from these cobras, they, still will not be able to escape from the SHESH NAG. (As per Hindu mythology, a serpent with a thousand heads). And that is me.'






Captain Ranvir looked embarrassed. He said, `Well you know, I do understand your position and infact I sympathise with you. But sorry brother, I can't help you. I hope you understand my predicament... And don't worry about your wife. I've read the letters, she is fine. Presently she is in Delhi, staying with one of your relatives. Okay?... If you need anything, do let me know.'






`Well, sir, I shall be grateful, if you could kindly replace the blankets. And, I had asked the CO to give me some reading material, if you can look into that.... Also, I went to write to my wife. Therefore, I request you to kindly get me an envelope alongwith a pen and a sheet of paper.'






`Okay. I'll see to that, but kindly don't take it as assurance', Saying this and wishing me good luck Captain Ranvir left.






True to his words Captain Ranvir managed some how to send two blankets and one inland forces letter, though much later I learnt that the letter was never posted.






I analysed the whole situation in the light of fresh revelation made by Captain Ranvir. The attitude of my CO and the atrocious treatment being given to me, by side stepping the provisions of the AA and the general law of the land, became clear. After all a Lieut. Colonel and others are ancillary to the bigger command structure. A Corps Commander, who is a Lieut. General is no small authority. He is beyond the comprehension of the present day commanding officers of the Indian army. They would (not all but most of them) do anything including licking the arse of the big boss, the Corps Commander. And if the Corps Commander desired that the statement must be obtained with signatures from me, then it must be got. If I refused to sign, I definitely faced extinction. Anything could be done to please the Corps Commander. The threat could still be carried out, no one would question why I was killed. (It was, as it will be seen, no question was ever raised at the death of Havildar Ram Sarup), because any act of the Generals in the Indian army is always for the security and interest of the nation! Then who is there, and why should anyone question such patriotic acts in our democracy!!






I wisely put off the idea of reporting.






One day KSS came to me and surprisingly asked affectionately, `So Rathaur, what should we do with this driver?' The driver he meant was Sepoy Karam Singh.






`What do you mean, sir?, I questioned in reply.






`You know we're starting off with the trial of your driver Karam Singh, very soon. So what should we do about that?'






`Well, sir, if you've included me when you said "we" then kindly count me out. If there's anything required to be done, then it's you who will have to do it, not me.'






I was under a morbid fear of KSS, still I felt overjoyed to learn about Karam Singh's trial. I had chalked out my plan of action in a split second. But I did not aloow the happiness to show on my face while replying.






`Count you out?..... What do you mean by counting you out? Dammit you've already pleaded guilty, so where is the question of counting you out?'






I chuckled, without showing any sign of contempt on my face, over the way I was being pressurised. One doesn't plead guilty at the S of E. At the most it can be termed as a statement, which may be taken in evidence against the accused. Pleading quilty or not guilty is done only at the court martial.






However, I did not say anything. I was afraid of being put to some other tests, a number of which I had already undergone. The memories were too vivid to forget.






I said, `Even though I've pleaded guilty, as you say, sir, the fact, which is known to you also, is that I am innocent. But anyway it doesn't matter what happens to me, I am not prepared to play with the lives of other innocent people and put them to untold sufferings; since I have undergone them, I know what the pain is like.'






KSS continued coming to me for 3 to 4 days. Every day he tried to lure me into becoming an approver. He would try to put across the advantages that would accure on becoming an approver. Then KSS would lure me by saying that Havildar Raghubir Singh and Captain Rana had already turned approvers and were enjoying every facility given to them. But I did not give in. I held the ground even at the face of renewed threats of sending me back to the interrogation centre. I announced, if I was taken to court I would only tell the truth.






`You will never get the opportunity to speak in the court against the prosecution. Because if you say a word against us, you will be declared a hostile witness, and bear this in mind, what'll happen to you after the court?'






Whatever may happen after the court, but I was sure they cannot afford to give me any physical torture. It was however a different thing if I could still be killed. So I counted and depended upon this fact that I would have to be taken to the court.






The injuries though healed, were present on my body and were sufficient to cause a major stirup. For that I had to reach the court. If I am able to manage till then somehow, then I think I have achieved my aim. I thought. And in court, I did reach.






On 8 January '79, I was told to get ready. Although the bitter cold winter of North India was at its peak, I had only my summer clothes to put on.






`Where am I being taken?' I asked the escort officer Captain Murty.






`I don't know,' replied the escort officer indifferently. But I had gussed correctly. I was blindfolded, handcuffed and driven to the place where Karam Singh was being tried.






Outside the court room, my handcuffs and blindfold were removed and I was marched in. It took all the strength out of me to control my emotions which stirred up, seeing the members of the court martial after a long period of torture and solitary confinement. While taking the oath, I stole a glance at the accused and felt a deep compassion for him. I was responsible in reducing Karam Singh and a number of others to a confirmed state of miseries. Was I ? In any case the time had come and I could pay everyone for their sufferings, I thought. But fate was against me for a long time to come.

The Price of Loyalty - INTO THE FIRE !!!

The train steamed into Jammu railway station with the majestic grace of a proud bride and glided to a halt.







Jammu is the last city in J & K connected by rail, with rest of the country. It was the same place I had, a few years ago, moved about with princely pride.






I was ushered out of the compartment, blindfolded, handcuffed, and led away from the platform, to where the transport meant to carry our party was parked.






I felt terribly humiliated. I could count in my mind the numerous eyes staring at me with contempt and curiosity. Among the spectators there might have been a few who knew me, I thought. But I brushed the thought aside the thought better of it.






Once inside the vehicle, I speculated about the destination. Could it be Jammu, Nagrota or Udhampur? But how to find out?






The escort officers had stopped talking to me as soon as they'd alighted from the train. So I tried to orientate myself from the speed and turns, the vehicle took.






`So its not Jammu,' I thought the moment the vehicle stopped at the traffic check post.






It did not matter where I was being taken. What mattered and troubled my mind was my financial condition. It was beyond my means to engage and pay the fees of a civil lawyer even if the trial was held in Jammu. And if the trial was held at a far away place, then that meant I would be required to meet the additional charges of the counsel. So I considered the possibility of opting for a suitable defending officer. I tried to remember if I knew any such officer.






The vehicle stopped. I heard people talking in subdued and muffled voices, I could make out nothing except that the destination was Nagrota.






I was led up the stairs into a room, my blindfold was removed. And for the first time after my arrest, I saw the rays of the rising sun.






Inspite of shivering due to lack of clothing in the bitter cold of the Jammu region, I found my dead spirits stirring within my body. Automatically my hands were folded in salutation to the Sun God rising behind the misty mountains.






After a brief prayer I opened my eyes and looked to the side through the open door and felt a great relief to find myself in a different situation and among different people. At least I thought so, but this was also short lived.






There was some delay in the handing and taking over, and after the formalities were over, the escort officers came, shook hands with me and bade me luck and good bye.






At the same time two officers, one a Lieut. Colonel and the other a Major, entered my rrom. The the Major left immediately along with the escort officers.






`I am your Commanding Officer,' The Colonel said, `from now onwards, you have been attached to my unit for discipline. I have been ordered to record your S of E ... Now I would command you to behave ... while you're here... under my command please don't try to escape. There are two sentries on guard. They have not been given any ammunition. But at the slightest hint of your intention, I'll do that. Do you understand that?'






`Yes, I do. I do understand my liabilities as an officer under arrest and the duties of a Commanding Officer. I'll give you no problems at all. In fact let me assure you that there is no cause of any anxiety or alarm due to my behaviour,' I said and after a pause added, `But since you're my Commanding Officer I would like to inform you briefly that I have been tortured brutally. Therefore, I request for an immediate medical check-up I am completely innocent and I have been made to sign a false confession that was dictated to me at the interrogation centre in Delhi.'






Then I showed him various injuries on my body. But to my surprise I found, the CO took an indifferent attitude. I noted a marked disinterest on the CO's face.






Without further talk the CO, a Sikh gentleman, started to leave, but I stopped him.






`Please wait a minute, sir.' the CO looked back and I continued, `May I know the name of my CO, and the unit he commands; I mean the unit to which I now belong?'






`Anything else?' The CO questioned in reply.






This is no reply, I thought. However, it was not difficult for me to gauge the intensity of hatred. Infact I had to some degree, expected the attitude of people, as it was being shown by the Colonel. In the army, since espionage is the worst crime, so a mere word of it is sufficient to send a surge of hatred directed towards any offender. No one is prepared to listen or believe a word of such an alleged offender, although he may be innocent.






Probably I would have done the same or even worse, if some one else was in my position. And why not, haven't I done so, when I had first heard about Captain Nagial, I analysed the situation.






I said, `Yes, sir. I want to request for some favours from you,'






`And what are these?'






`First, I be permitted to sit in the sun. I need the sun badly as I have not seen the sun for a very long time. Two, I have no bedding. Three, I be provided with some reading material. And lastly my wife be informed officially about me and the charges levelled against me. I also request you to arrange for her meeting with me so that she is in a position to arrange for her meeting with me so that she is in a position to arrange for a legal advisor for me.'






`Is that all?' The CO asked.






`Yes, sir, for the time being,' I replied.






It was about lunch time when I was startled and shocked to see KSS, enter my room.






`How are you bastard?' KSS roared and continued, `so, what have you been doing in Delhi?' Eh? you thought Kanwar Sahib has disappeared so you could play around with your YAR Hmmm. Well if you think so then you're fooling yourself my son. I won't leave you till you're in your grave ...'






I was numb with fear. KSS continued abusing me. But my senses were so paralysed that I ceased to make any sense out of all that was being said to me. It was the fear of the torturer who was not human.






I came to my senses only when I heared the Colonel saying,






`I have been ordered to record your S of E. Do you know what are the charges against you?'






Before I could say anything, KSS took the paper, presumed to be the charge sheet from Colonel, saying, `yes Colonel Sahib, of course he knows.' And then looking towards me said, `You son of a bitch, don't you know?' Then without even waiting for me to reply, turned to the CO and said, `Kindly leave us alone, if you don't mind Colonel? I have to talk about something to this dirty bastard.'






The Colonel obliged.






I once again tried to establish the identity, when I saw KSS literally bossing over the CO, but failed. On the contrary I was overcome by a renewed wave of fear. I did not miss the fear even in the CO's eyes. The Colonel was also scared of KSS.






Thus I was forced to conclude that whoever KSS might be, he has been given unlimited powers. And on reaching this conclusion, I decided to confront him.






`All right you clown, now tell me what have you decided? look, you know me much better by now. So don't by any chance suppose that you can fool around with me, as you did with your friend, Major Jolly. And by the way give a cool thought to the possibility of what can happen to you in case you opt to act stubbornly. As a suggestion I can tell you it might be worse than anything you have already undergone. Having served in the Intelligence, I am sure you know the existance of an interrogation centre very close from here,'KSS paused expecting an answer, then added, `I give you a chance to think. I would be back by evening. Meanwhile do consider the promise given to you earlier - not withstanding your rash acts till now. The option is yours. You gain by standing on the right side and lose most miserably if you opt out of it.'






KSS went away leaving me in a confused and bewildered state. I felt torn between fear of renewed torture and my efforts to save the situation. And I decided to face the truth even if it meant torture.






On 28 December 1978, 4 P.M, a Major wearing the Gorkha uniform without a name tag, entered the room. He woke me up, from the ground where I lay sprawled. There was no item of any furniture in my new cell which was called single officers room.






The Major whom I later got to know during my trial, as Satpati, literal meaning the Lord of Truth, told me that he has been appointed to record my S of E. He asked if I wanted to make a statement vide Army Rule 23.






I declined. At this, the Major looked at me conveying the impression `What to do'signed, got up and left.






He again came back after an hour and asked me, `Do you wish to make a statement?'






`Haven't I already told you, that I don't?'






`Well, in that case what about your 45 page statement which you have already given?' The Major asked.






`I thought that was not your business to ask me to seek clarification, about what I have already done. You're supposed to be a neutral body, the past should not interest you. And sir in any case my CO has not yet heard my case. The recording of evidence, I suppose can only take place after he has given me the opportunity to hear me.' I said while trying to check my temper.






From the attitude of the people and my CO, I was convinced about the unsympathetic behaviour, but not to the extent of ignoring my rights, being accused and directly violating the rules and regulations to that effect.






Major Satpati produced two sheets of paper and said `I am not concerned what you do. But if you accept your statement given earlier, then sign on this or else you may sign the other one.'






I took the sheet which read, "The accused declines to make any statement". I signed and dated it 28 December 1978.






When Major Satpati prepared to leave, I asked him, `When would the other witnesses, if any, be recorded?'






`Tomorrow,' Saying the Major left.






After lunch the same day the CO had come along with a working party and I was moved into the adjoining room which was interconnected by a door with the room where I was first taken to, and locked.






The light connections were snapped, all windows and door panes were covered by pasting papers. In the door pane a peephole of 6 by 4 inchs size was left for the sentries to look through. Thus the room was turned to a proper "cell" with an only exception, the room was bigger in size and it also had an attached bath room. Though there was no water in it, because like the electric connections, water taps were also made non-functional.






Shifting me from one room to another, blocking the glass panes and snapping the water and light connections had taken a little more than half an hour. During this period, the CO had personally supervised the work and given directions, without ever once looking at me.






After he left, the side and the main doors were locked from outside, shutting me, completely away from the outside world. To make the matter worse a pair of handcuffs with an unusually heavy and long iron chain, was clamped on to my hands.






This was highly ridiculous, and it unnerved me completely. I could not dream of this treatment, being meted out to an army officer in the officers mess, not to talk of the secret interrogation Centre. It was most horritying. The intentions of the authorities to fix me were visible from their attitude. But I assured myself, the time had come where I should strive to foil the plans of the trimurty of Military intelligence.






None of the requests made to the CO were complied with. I spent the night shivering, in almost four degrees centigrade temperature, without a bed or any proper clothing except for a bed sheet and a Khes, the only items I had carried with me while leaving Kamptee in August that year.






Everytime I went to the bathroom for urinating I had to shout for the sentry to send the guard commander to open the handcuffs, one end of which was tied to the window bar. By morning, my badly mutilated body became numb due to cold.






Seeing me convulsing in pain the guard commander took pity on me and gave his own blanket to me, saying, `Sahib use this but please don't tell anyone that I gave it to you.'






I was moved by the show of kindness by the NCO. I remembered my benefactor, the sentry in the interrogation centre who used to give birees and occasionally a word of encouragement. I compared the behaviour of officers and men, and felt terribly ashamed to learn that I too, belonged to the cadre of brutes, but timid people, called officers!






The next morning I sent the NCO to find out the progress on the requests made by me to the CO. But the NCO couldn't do anything since there was no one to listen. However, I was able to get a bedding later, due to his frantic efforts. The bedding consisted of eight blankets! The gross weight of these shreds called blankets was not more than three kilos. It appeared after looking at the blankets, that special pains and efforts were made to search them out from a salvage dump.






But these blankets were still better than none at all.






Nothing happened till the first day of the new year. No one came to see me. Neither my CO nor the Lord of Truth for recording my S of E. I kept speculating why no one came. And when I knew the cause, it was too frightening and horrible.






On the night of first january 1979, I was asleep when I suddenly heard a shout, then clicking of door lock and before I could wake up properly some one kicked me on the shin. I howled in pain, but shivered with fear when I saw KSS accompained by Gnr Aya Singh.






Both of them tried to persuade me for about half an hour.






`Now, look Rathaur, I give you my word that nothing will happen to you if you only do what you'd earlier promised to do... you can ask Aya Singh, he is a free man now. He's not even been charged with the offence. So you see its up to me to help you similarly,' explained KSS.






`Yes Rathaur, kanwar sahib is a man of word. So you agree. Agree you damn fool.' It was Gnr Aya Singh suggesting to me, a Captain of the army!






`And if you don't then the consequences would be unimaginable for you.... You won't even be alive to repent this mistake of yours. Do you understand?'






During the whole length of the conversation, I did not talk. I listened to everything in a state of dizziness. Then KSS left ordering the NCO to bring me out, while Aya Singh stayed on.






`Damn it, you agree. You know that if I did not spare my own relation Captain Nagial, I would not spare you either.' Aya Singh whispered.






`What have I done to you Aya? Why do you want to take the curse of God, by implicating a person like me. We don't know each other to conceive of any enamity. Then?.... And what about Nagial, is he also an innocent victim of yours?'






Aya nodded in affirmation and said, `So you see.... and it will do no good to you either unless you fall in line like me.'






So after all I was correct about Aya Singh. I thought.






Blindfolded and handcuffed I was led out of the cell, while I shivered more due to fear than the cold. I thought about where I was being taken.






The place was not far away. I found Major Satpati sitting across a table. There was another officer sitting in the corner of the room, whom I recognised as the officer who had received the escort party at the railway station. I did not know his name. Though I learnt during my trial that he was Captain Ranvir Singh GSO 3 (Int) of HQ 16 Corps and was supposed to be the "Independent witness" of the recording of my S of E. Then there was KSS sitting on a table horizontally across Satpati. Gnr Aya Singh however, sat next to me.






The place was a store room stacked with furniture. It had a small gallery as a passage near the door that blocked the door from sight.






`Sit down,' commanded Major Satpati, and once I had occupied the stool, he asked, `do you wish to make a statement?'






I was too shocked to say anything.






`Did you hear me? ... I am asking, do you wish to make a statement?'






A sad smile passed over my lips. I said, `Sir, how many times would you wish to know? Haven't I already signed the statement while declining to say anything?'






`Heh... heh.. heh.. Well done. Well done my son. You think its so easy to decline?' said KSS, gloating. He was interrupted by Aya Singh who said, `Please KSS Sahib don't speak to him like that,' then turning to me he said, `come on Rathaur, don't be stupid. What's the problem? Damn it, you will be soon out of this like me. So be nice and get rid of the miserable conditions you're living in.'






`Nice? What do .....'






`Stop it, you fucking traitor.' Cupping my face with hands and leaning forward, he spoke in a most threatening language, `And look bastard if you don't sign over the acceptance of your confession, then you won't live to plead your case. Do you know what can happen to you? If you don't then I'll tell you. Its simple... you can be taken out during night as you have been taken out,' he, paused and munching each word said, `shot dead and then it would be declared that you were trying to run away... Okay? Everything is possible in the army and I am sure you know that. To kiil you becomes all the easier, to cover up we have your confessional statement. Now make your option, quick. Don't waste our time?'






I had not even dreamt that such a course of action could also be taken in the army. However, there was no reason to disbelieve what I heard. Yes that way everything was possible. They can shoot me and all can come clean out of it. I believed each word that was said.






When Satpati reminded me to hurry up a second time, I quickly appended my signatures, with a trembling hand, wherever Saptati pointed me to sign.






Everything had turned dark for me. I was happily being led back into the dungeon.






I enquired the time from the guard NCO. It was 12.30 in the night. The recording of my S of E was thus over.






In no organisations of any civilised country has it ever been heard to adopt a barbaric and unconstitutional approach while carrying out investigations into allegations against its members!






And India also, claims to be among civilised countries!






It was a different thing that nothing about its civilised ways was known to the outside world.






I remorsefully thought: I have come out alive from the frying pan and have now been thrown into the fire!

The Price of Loyalty - FAIRY TALES !!!

I did repent as warned by the SO. But only for telling the truth. Alas! if I had not done so and revealed everything in the court. Because the tactic played by them was an entirely different one. They treated me in a most unexpected manner. There was no physical torture as I had expected, except that my bed had been removed. The torture was only to the extent that I had to rough out the wintry days and nights without a bed, or clothes, except for the polyester shirt and a pyjama.







They had devised another ruse to further their plans. They wanted to extract information which they knew I had kept up my sleeves. So jolly offered to help me.






`Rathaur I am feeling very sorry.' Major Jolly said, when he visited my cell alongwith Chaudhary. `And now I want to help you out of this rut. But I am helpless. So you must give me some points which I know you have, to refute Gnr Aya Singh's statement. Rest assured, I will take this bastard to task.'






`Well, sir, I don't have any. Whatever there was I, gave them all to you. However, I'll think over... if I can find any more.'






`Please do that and do it quickly. Okay?' and then the Duo left.






There was not one but a number of loopholes, apart from my being on leave, and the civil painted jeep. That of course alrady stood neutralised.






`How do I believe they would not play the remaining, if I tell them, against me?' I thought. `And supposing if I insist that I did not spend the leave in station but at my home, and that I did not avail the leave from Samba in July August 1974, but from Yol and what if they make me change the period in the confession for a period when I actually was in Samba? Well then I am doomed. So I must not under any circumstances give away this vital proof.' But I further considered and speculated. `But if they are actually concerned this time, then won't it be a killing on my part? Yes it would be.






I thought over every aspect and decided to take a middle course.






The next day the duo came to my cell. They asked me to show if I had any evidence. I told them that I did not have much. And the little that I had, I would disclose it in my own way.






I requested the prensece of three senior officers, of at least Brigadier rank, and that the officers should be outside the Intelligence Corps. I also requested them to include Colonel Anand Singh, the Delhi Area Adm. Commandant.






`Sir' I said, `then let Gnr aya Singh state whatever he wants to in the presence of these officers. One of the officers would record Aya Singh's evidence. I would then ask a few questions from Aya Singh, and request you all to verify the answers given by him to check how truthful they are.' I paused and then added, `sir, this unscrupulous fellow has played havoc in the army and misled you people properly...'










`Rathaur, brother I am shocked to hear you asking for senior officers. It seems you have no faith left in us. When I have offered to help you, I meant it, then why can't you tell those points to us?' Major Jolly asked me sympathetically, reproaching me for his mistrust towards them.






I remained silent.






`Rathaur listen we're also human. If you're innocent, we will not like you and your children to suffer. We know you have already suffered so much due to our ignorance. Then, let us, dammit, repay you for whatever wrong we have already done to you.... I can assure you, we will make this rascal Aya pay for what he has made us do.' Jolly said, looking very concerned.






I was thus cornered by the twosome, who exhibited every concern with full commiseration, and promised to help me.






It is a known fact if there is anything more dangerous, vicious, wily and savage than a blood thirsty devil, then it is a man; a wicked man who is completely degenerated to the very depths of indecency. And such were the persons in whose hands fate had contrived to place me.






I was compelled under the persuasion of a show of humanity, to give them the points, though at the same time I was apprehensive about the genuineness of their professed concern and doubtful of their sincerity.






I quickly made up my mind to throw a piece of meat to test whether what they said was true or not. Instead I threw the last piece of bone.






Village Nanga is at an approximate distance of six kms to the South of Ramgarh, and villages Keso and Kamore approximately two kms towards East, from Ramgarh. Village Palota is about a hundred and fifty yards away from Ramgarh. The international border runs in inverted (^) `V'shape near Nanga. The Pak BOP Gandial is located at a distance of approximately three hundred yards from the border. This post is situated at a distance of roughly 1/2 km south west of village Nanga.






All these villages are connected with cart tracks from Ramgarh, except Nanga, which then had a loose gravel lined road. Nanga could also be approached from three directions. The approaches are : Ramgarh - Keso - Kamore - Nanga ; Ramgarh - Palota - Bhamochak - Nanga, and Ramgarh - Nanga. There were no laterals between Palota and Keso - Kamore, except the DCB service track which could not be used after the rains due to the slushy condition of the track. Except Ramgarh - nanga track, none of the remaining tracks were fit for vehicular traffic. And during the monsoon no vehicle could ply on these tracks, other than the bullock carts.






Having explained on a sketch the geography of the area, I proceeded to unarm myself. Though skeptical about their intentions, yet hoping against hopes, they might improve.






`Now, sir, no one could have deceived me in my own area of operational responsibility. In an area where I knew every inch of the ground,' I impressed upon them.






`That's why you were made drunk,' Chaudhary led a suggestion.






`Well, sir, if I was drunk, then it becomes all the more simple to prove the story as foolishly concocted by Aya Singh or Nagial or by anyone who did it. For if I was drunk, then how could I remember the taxi number, a taxi in which I am alleged to have sat only once and that too during the night. And not only that, I still continue to remember it even after four years. Then how could I remember the name of Dr RP Sharma a friend of Nagial, whom I had never even met? How could I remember, "We drove to Nanga from Ramgarh and from Nanga to Palota via Keso and Kamore", and how could I remember the taxi broke down at Palota? How could I remember all similar details as in my alleged statement? If to say that I was drunk.'






`But by the time you reached there you were not so drunk as not to remember the details.'






`Sir, that is simply a preposterous idea. If I was not so drunk, then I would have known the area well. And in that case no one could have deceived me. Right? There was only one way for Nagial and Aya to take me to Pakistan, and they could avail the chance only if I was unconscious. But then there was no question of my having remembered the details with so much clarity and certainty.' I paused and thought to myself that it was sufficient to stamp the confession as false and forced on me. I further added, `But even if to say that I was drunk and I still remembered the details then also the story is proved wrong. Tell me, sir, where was the requirement to first go to Nanga and drive all the way in an opposite direction, on a route entirely away from the Post Gandial, to Palota? Couldn't I have been deceived from Nanga? Where was the requirement of coming back to Palota, a place 6 kms inside my own territory? And if they had to deceive me from Palota then where was the requirement of driving in a 380 degrees circle? Sir, I don't know by what stretch of the imagination it is believed that Pak Rangers came to abduct me on the instance of Gnr Aya Singh, as far inside as six kms from the border, and in so short a time as is suggested in the story. Sir, its nothing but a fairy tale told by a mother to her children who believe her completely. Eh? And not only that it's here that the Pak Rangers told us "You're in Pak territory", and I pleaded, "We have corssed inadvertently." It's the height of absurdity. Not only this I wonder how could Nagial drive the taxi on tracks, where it is practically impossible to drive even a jeep with its four wheel drive in the monsoons, because that is the alleged period of my deception. Sir, I am telling you once again, though earlier I have done the same a number of times, that I had not met Aya Singh before you confronted him with me, nor have I, till this day been to Udhampur, let alone going to Manwal Camp. I don't even know Mrs. Shahni Devi of the wife of Aya Singh as it has been alleged in the story.... If you still wish to insist that I went to Manwal Camp, you mean the first thing I did on reaching there was to start enquiring the names of ladies?.... Sir, simple courtesy demands not to ask the names of ladies. I don't know the names of wives of my unit officers with whom I have been associating every day and I am sure neither do you. If one does not know the names of ladies one meets daily, then how can it be believed that I knew the names of Shahni Devi and Bachno Devi, whom I am alleged to have met only once for a few hours. Doesn't my remembering all these names after an elapse of four years make it incredible?'






`But these names were told by us.' It was their turn to be confused.






Èxactly.' I said, òf course the names as well as the entire confessional statement was dictated by you. Otherwise no one can remember such details even supposing one was an offender. Can you remember, sir?'






They were silent.






`I know, sir, you have been badly misled by your prejudiced minds.... You were biased and did not carry out any scrutiny either of Aya Singh's alleged statement against me nor did you scrutinise my statements made against others. If you had done so you, would have found out a long time ago, that the Kandral post which I have been referring to in all the stories is not a Pak BOP. It is our own Post, a deserted BOP.






I found the interrogators had turned ashen. They took the sketch I had drawn in order to explain to them, and went away.






It was simple and easy for me to have deduced and seen the wickedness under the garb of sincerity; to recognise the wolves in sheep clothing. I had only to consider the ease with which my earlier evidence were neutralised. The most vital evidences, of course the identification parade would have been carried out under a similar situation, even if I had not asked for it. Otherwise what did they have against me, except Aya Singh?






Alas! if I had not told them, "I did not have a jeep then", it would have been easier to take the scoundrel for perjury.






I did not probably to make sure that what I thought about the interrogators was correct. And it was correct, though I paid highly for acquiring the knowledge. I thought, they are venomous snakes who want to bite innocent people.






The cover of humaneness made them all the more dangerous. Were these patriots playing with the lives of people, bringing untold miseries upon them and their families, or were they playing with the interest of the army and that of the nation, under the pretext of maintaining "security"? Or worse still, were they trying to save their skin by refusing to recognise my innocence?






The belief that they were biased and did whatever they did in good faith, and were still doing so was not maintainable after the above disclosures. It can also not be believed that they did not see the true facts. They definitely saw them. That was why they defaced and twisted the facts deliberately.






Why did these sentinels of "national security" have to guard it as they did?






After a few days, I was informed that whatever I had disclosed, was found incorrect on checking. And even if I was innocent I would not be able to come out of the mess I was in. The only escape route for me lay in cooperating with them. Cooperation meant, deposing against other persons. As a reward I was to get my freedom!






I declined the offer.






The factory functioned as usual - the massacre continued - the spies kept increasing each day - in a geometrical progression. Surprisingly, however, I was spared the physical torture. Maybe they had nothing more to take from me. Or may be I was required to be produceed against Sepoy Karam Singh in the court in the near future.






In the cell I craved every second to be shifted to the mess and to be brought to trial at the earliest.






The letter written by me on 06 December was not posted to my wife. I was asked to write to her another encouraging letter, which I did.






That however, was a part of another tactic. They wanted to keep her away from taking any action. How could she have known, that the letters she received from her husband were written by him under the direction and supervision of his masters?






I knew about this move. It was to protect their brutalities lest they came to the limelight. But alas, I could do nothing!






I was never allowed to make any mention about the reasons and cause of my arrest in the letters. Even if I made an occasional attempt to write them, my letters were never posted.






On December 26th, I was made to sign on a receipt for the clothes sent to me by my wife, without telling me who'd brought them. Though I guessed my wife was in station and had come to meet me.






On December 27, I was given a hot water bath, after nearly a fortnight and was allowed to shave. Then a set of washed clothes, a trouser and a shirt was given to me to put on. A sweater was also given to me in the afternoon. Then I was blindfolded, handcuffed, with my hands at the back and was led out from the slaughter house. Once out I felt the warm and soothing rays of the afternoon sun, comforting me. I was overjoyed.






I thought that my wife was in Delhi and she was being allowed to see me. So I was taken to a place where the meeting was probably arranged.






My guess about my wife being in Delhi was correct, but I was wrong to think they were taking me to meet her. I was being taken away from her; to an unknown place.






I found myself inside the train when I was asked to sit down, by a sentry. I sat down while speculating about my destination, and was disappointed to know that it was not the meeting with my wife as I had thought. However I felt relieved from a thought that at least I had come out alive from the burning crucible.






Putting together various, bits of talk between the occupants of the compartment, I guessed that the station was New Delhi and the train was Srinagar Express.






In that case either I am being taken to Yol or to Jammu, I thought. It can also be Nagrota and Udhampur. But why are they taking me there when I am supposed to have been attached with the Raj Rif Centre?'. `Maybe they are taking me to give evidence against Karam Singh.






I no doubt had suffered the worst type of humiliation and disgrace in the interrogation centre, still I was overwhelmed with a sense of acute shame seeing the way I was being carried in public. Though blindfolded, I felt the piercing eyes of countless spectators tearing me into pieces.






`How would they know,' I thought, `the object of hatred was in fact a victim of someone's nefarious designs.'






When the train started I requested Captain Dube, one of the two escort officers, if my blindfold and cuffs could be removed. But Dube had no orders to use his discretion.






Captain Dube seemed to be shocked, that I knew the train and the destination. `How? Who told him?' He must be thinking. I mused.






And sure enough the officer asked me in a surprised voice how did I know Captain Dube was his name and that the rain was Sri Nagar Express.






`I knew your name from the conductor who was checking about the reservation and I guessed the train was bound towards Jullundur after hearing a passenger who was requesting the conductor to give him one berth. And I knew that the only train at this time which travels towards Jullundur is Srinagar Express. Since it starts from New Delhi, I guessed the station was New Delhi. This also giave me a hint about my tentative destination.' I explained and asked, `can you now tell me where I am being taken?'






Dube said that I would find out myself when they reached the destination.






They asked me how I fell in the trap of Pakistan. And I explained to them in brief about the torture. `Well diehards like you deserve torture,' was the comment passed by Dube.






However, when the whole thing was explained to them, both sympathised with me. Their attitude towards me, was thereafter tolerable.






Though I remained handcuffed, they removed the blindfold as long as I was in that compartment.






I also learnt that I would be attached to some unit around Jammu and that my trial would be held there.

The Price of Loyalty - LEADING TO THE TRAILS !!!

I, no doubt saw the day light, but not from the place I expected it to see.







I was given a hair cut for first time since my arrest, made to shave and bathe in hot water.






The blindfold, was comparatively a decent one, cut to size from a black hued linen cloth then the earlier one, a napkin which, due to overuse and without ever having being washed, was similar to a dirty cloth wrapped by lepers on their wounds was clamped are my eyes. Thereafter I was ceremoniously led into one of the rooms which looked like a vacated office.






The blindfold was removed and I found myself faced with a Sikh Officer, a gunner. The other occupant of the room was Mr. Chaudhary.






`Rathaur this officer is recording the S of E of Sepoy karam Singh. As you requested to call him here for the recording of your evidence, we have accordingly done so,' revealed Mr. Chaudhary smiling wickedly.






At the revelation I was dazed. I found myself being paralysed while nothing the surreptitious moves, but quickly recovered from the shock, made up my mind not to give in to their dirty tactics and replied, `Well, sir, I never told you to do so. But all the same it does not matter,' and giving a meaningful smile asked `does it, sir?'






The officer asked Mr. Chaudhary to produce the accused. Mr. Chaudhary shouted for Chotte Sahib to bring in Sepoy Karam Singh but Karam Singh was not there. Probably he was not even informed that his S of E was being recorded. The officer insisted that Karam Singh be produced and thus he was produced, exactly after an hour's delay.






Karam Singh was trembling; trembling under the known fear. He looked at me with the eyes of a sacrificial goat before the slaughter.






Chaudhary asked me to make Karam Singh cheerful! A crude joke!






When the officer got ready to record my statement, precisely at that moment major Jolly interrupted. Jolly took the officer away for some secret discussion.






I saw, while giving my statement, the twosome standing near the door. `To hell with them. I must proceed according to my plan I thought and started disclosing about the torture, just after mentioning about my stay in Samba where Karam Singh was my driver. As soon as, I spoke about the torture, the officer asked me to restrict to, only Karam Singh's case.






`But, sir, how can I do that, unless I have given the background to the circumstances which led to the disclosure of Karam Singh,' I protested.






`Look here. I'll read over the charge to you. And if you have anything to say strictly about the charge, then say so. Don't go into what happened to you. I am not here to enquire about you. There will be ample opportunities to say what you want to, when your S of E will be recorded. Okay?', the officer replied in bitterness.






Thus finding him uncooperative and venomous in his attitude, I saw death, clearly, hanging around. In desperation I looked at the door where the demons were standing, listening to my statement. The expression on their faces was such, as if they would eat me alive. I felt my strength was failing me. And in a hopeless bid, to make the officer relent to at least one of my requests, I said `Sir, please! I beg you to note down whatever I am saying and save me from these murderers. They will otherwise kill me, for sure. Sir, for God's sake even if you don't want to write what I say, I implore you and request you to at least give me a sheet of paper, where I can write a note to the Commandant, and I'll request you to give the same to him in the Rajputana Rifles Regimental Centre.....'






`Sorry' the officer interrupted, `I can do nothing. I am a neutral person; friend of neither party - I realise your peoblem, but am in no position to help you.'






I suddenly found myself enraged at the attitude of the officer. I thought to myself, why couldn't he do this much? Just to give the note to his CO? Eh? And he thinks himself a gentleman, and an army officer! My bloody foot. But anyway if I have now taken the plunge, then let me either sink or swim.






Then I gave the statement and denied any knowledge of Karam Singh's activities as per his charge.






The officer explained the contents of my statement to Sepoy Karam Singh in Hindi, and asked Karam Singh if he wanted to ask any questions from me. Karam Singh denied.






At this point the officer showed his real colours.






`Look Karam Singh, in your statement you have said that it was Captain Rathaur who gave the package which you handed over to Major Khan, in first week of January 1976. Then why don't you want to ask any questions?,' thundered the officer.






Karam Singh, probably drawing courage from me said, `Because I was terrorised and pressured to do so.'






`But who did that?' The officer interrupted shouting at karam Singh.






`Please, sir!,' I butted in, `You're doing that now and still asking who did that? What does this mean?... If you're neutral as you have claimed yourself to be, then kindly note down whatever is being replied by the accused. Don't goad him and speak to him in threatening language, as you're doing.' I said, in a raised voice.






However, the scene of the drama changed. The demons appeared on stage to play their part. They told the officer to record the remaining portion of the statement after lunch.






I was led back to the cell, and with my spirits dampened, brought to the mother earth, under threats and beatings.






After lunch, I found myself cowering before the demons, like a victim of an inescapable fate.






The recording went off peacefully as it was desired by the interrogators. No questions were asked by the co-passenger of the rudderless boat, poor Karam Singh.






That was the way I found each of my plans fated to wither and fall.






Back in the cell I wept and cursed each and everyone, I did not spare even God as I had done a number of times earlier. What else could I do?






I again viewed everything in retrospect. I could not make out anything of the situation.






I thought, I have lost the false confidence that I was probably able to create among the interrogators.' Could I revive that? even if it was yes, then what? What could I achieve?






There was still one more card, I could play. That was only possible if my wife was permitted to see me. I may then be able to restore the situation.






December 6th was the day of my marriage anniversary. Yet I had no time, nor was I in a position to think of such pleasantries. My brain was racing day in and day out, like a wild horse, contriving some fresh plans.






I was taken to the interrogation room.






`Congratulations dammit' greeted Jolly. `Dash it, today is your marriage anniversary and you did not tell us? Why?'






I looked forlorn and confused. How did they know it, I wondered.






`It was your own doing. Otherwise today you would have been with your wife.... we had decided to send a telephonic message on December 4th, but because of your stupid and adament behaviour, we cancelled the programme,' said Jolly.






I knew it was farce - a tactic which had lost or rather had no significance for me. Still I enquired, `And when do I meet her now?'






They looked at each other and then Jolly said, `Sorry friend, you have shattered our confidence. A meeting can now only be arranged once you show up yourself in the GCM (General Court Martial) of Karam Singh.'






`When would that be?' I enquired.






`Within a month.' Jolly informed.






I quickly weighed the proposition in relation to time, when I would have to appear in the court.






Apprising the court about the brutalities with which the scandal was being created, was another alternative in the event I failed to meet my wife till then. I considered everything and said, `Anyway, sirs, now you will not find me lacking in my determination while deposing in the court.' And justifying my earlier action I assured, `You see I have seen no one since my arrest, except you. So it was natural for me to become nervous and falter .... falter when all of a sudden without any warning, I was confronted by that officer.'






`Don't worry. Whatever has happened is in the past. From now onwards you would be given every facility, we'll give any amount of cigarettes you want and make you sit in the sun..... and listen we will also give you paper to write your autobiography, Elaborate on the details since the time you were first taken across, till date.... add some humour while you're writing, include the methods of PAK FIU's functioning and of course a little write up about the beautiful and sultry begums and the various other methods used by them to lure our officers and men into their sexual laps.' At the end Jolly added, `But mind you Rathaur, this brief would be put up to the Chief... So write in a decent handwriting.'






It was another, but the most dangerous tactic being employed by the tacticians and I knew it. It was a decoy, if successful it could cut me to size; entrap and then suffocate me to death.






Why was such a different tactic being used on me? It was not difficult for me to guess. When I guessed I could not help smiling. A sad smile at the vicissitude of fate. The interrogators I guessed, had fallen prey to their own designs. Thinking about their fate I was moved; forgetting the atrocities perpetrated by them.






I thought in retrospect, `Gnr Aya Singh and Sarwan Dass, for reasons best known to them had played havoc with the lives of countless innocent people, by misleading the authorities. In that chain I was the last link, who could be trapped by them or against whom they could depose. For others they could not, because of the time of their arrest in 1975. Though Aya Singh did not know me, nor had he any chance of meeting me, yet Aya corroborated the story, concocted by Nagial, at the time of his reinterrogation! Why did Aya not disclose my name when he had disclosed the name of his own relation during his first interrogation? Why should have Aya spared me. Was this fact alone not sufficient to doubt any involvement of mine? Yes it was. Provided the interrogators had used their minds.






`... And now with me ends their nefarious game. Because I am now the base stone of the inverted pyramid which is being raised by them. With me it will fall, crushing these masons; the interrogators. This fact is probably, known to them. So they are trying to solidify the base, I pondered and then deciding about something said, `Okay, sir, give me the papers, I'll start writing it.






In the cell Mr. Chaudhary gave three letters to me from my wife, and I knew the source of their knowledge about my marriage anniversary. I was also given papers to write my autobiography.






I was under a constant morbid fear of claustrophobia. Weighed down under this fear, yet realising my responsibilities I wanted to advise the interrogators once again, about the true facts. However, from the past experience, I neither had the nerve to explain, nor were the detectives prepared to listen to my reasoning. I stood a chance if I explained the facts in writing. Though I knew the consequences in the event I failed to justify my action. This time I was all prepared to face it; even if it meant death.






Accordingly, the first thing I did, was to write a letter to my wife. The letter was last will; asking for her forgiveness in case I died; and that whatever was written and signed by me, was not my doing. I was forced under brutal torture to write down whatever was dictated, and that I was as pure and innocent as I was born.






Then I wrote a letter and addressed it to Major S.C. Jolly. I wrote :






"My dear Major Jolly,






I am indeed grateful to you for asking me to have moral courage to stand up against the wrong doers. I thought it over at length and I have finally decided to show to you that I have moral courage. But unfortunately the wrong doers are not the ones you people are thinking of. Ironically the wrong doers are Gnr Aya Singh and you, the interrogators. I know you'll be very annoyed to read this and will throw the letter in the dustbin. But be warned! Before you do that read this carefully.






...You were also one of my good friends. Suppose you did not participate in my interrogation, then your name would have also appeared, as in fact it did, in the list of my unfortunate friends. And it was certain at one point I would have been asked, what about Major Jolly? And pointing to the brief, as it was done in other cases, the interrogators would have said, all the evidence against him, in the form of photographs and agreement forms is with us... We only want the story from you. And as it's happened I would have of course said, `No, sir. I did not do that to him.' The interrogators would not have listened to me. They would have then stepped up the torture. After two days I would have been left with only two options, either to die or give your name. And you know I am still alive!






The story cooked by me would have been as follows :






It was end of May 1975. Major Jolly was attending an exercise with the Corps Hqs, when my source arrived. He came to Samba for debriefing the source. I asked Jolly to come with me up to border, because another source was to come that day, and I wanted Jolly should give him the briefing there itself. Jolly agreed.






We arrived at Kandral Post....."






Jolly sir, thereater the story would be the same as it has been cooked in case of Rana. Here after you can read your name in place of Rana. In fact you can read your name in place of anyone about whom I have made the stories. Aren't the stories same?






Bit it did not happen, because you are one of the interrogators. As regards the evidence in your briefcase against us, I knew it even then and I am telling you now. If a person is innocent then there is no question of any evidence against him. Your bag is as fake as my stories. But as it is, biased minds don't entertain logic. So, you too would have found your way eventually to this butchery. And Jolly, sir, I now request you to kindly place your self in my or for that reason in anyone's else position who's undergone the torture, and then try to realise and see the truth..... I have withstood the torture for an unimaginably long timel but I know, you could not have stood the same torture for more than three days. And once you'd reached the critical stage where it is not possible to differentiate between life and death, you would have written the story which would have been either dictated to you by the interrogators or me. Once that was done, you would have been made to do samething to your friends, as in was."






In the letter I ridiculed their action to neutralise the evidence about the jeep and the type of identification parade which was carried out with Aya Singh. Then I wtore, `Whatever might happen to me, but under no circumstances shall I ever depose falsely against anyone in the court. And if you still decide against this, then you're welcome. But let me forwarn you. I will tell you about the atrocities perpetrated by you people; and physical condition of my body would act as a silent witness. I will tell the court how the confessions were obtained and corroborations effected. Let me also try and make you wise; not to live under wrong notions that if not me, then you will get others to act as your approvers. Take this out of your mind. Every single person is innocent. They might as I have agreed till now, be your approver because of threat and pressure of torture. But they will do so only till they enter the court room. Don't expect any innocent person to depose falsely against another. No one with a decimal fraction of morality would do that. And, sir, remember, you in the past have foiled each and every effort of mine to confront you with the true facts. I could have deceived and misled you till reaching the court, and then made you pay for your atrocious acts. But I understand that you have already been misled sufficiently and made to commit blunders, by traitors like Gnr Aya Singh. I feel consciously compelled and obliged being an officer to tell you about these facts. `And in the end I wrote: `I am prepared to pay a share for you misdeeds, provided you are ready to accept your mistakes and make amends. I will try and atone for your sins.'






I finished writing and read the letter with tears in my eyes. Thereafter I slept peacefully for the first time since my arrest. I felt relieved of an immense burden.






When the interrogators arrived the following morning. I sent for Major Jolly and handed over the letter. I said, `This is my autobiography. I request you to kindly read this with an open mind.'






`What does it mean?' enquired Jolly.






`Once you read it, you will find it out for yourself.'






Major Jolly asked for a chair and sat down.






He read the letter, while occasionally glancing at me.






`Hmmm....' Jolly sighed and said, `So that is it?'






`Yes, sir.'






`But you don't know bastard, if you had done that to me, I would have shot you dead and then reported the matter.'






`So you think you would have shot me dead. Now I want to ask you only one question. Are you the only one who's got morality? Because none among so many, either taken by me or by anyone else deceptively across the border, have shot us dead. Why? No one among them had the morality to do so?'






Jolly was quiet.






`Believe me, sir, I would have also shot Nagial or anyone else if he had done that to me. But can you do that when you don't even know what has happened? I know you would have killed me. But you could do that only if I had deceived you. That I have not done either to you or any one else. Yet the story, under the threat of torture would have been made as I have done in the letter. In fact that is why I have written the letter to explain to you.....'






`But even if you had made up the story, I have proofs to refute it.'






`Yes, you could refute, provided some one listened to your arguments. And did you listen to me? Instead of listening you've gone to the extent of obliterating the proofs which I had put forward in my defence. Haven't you?'






Jolly looked at me and then left the cell without saying anything.






It was Sunday, December 7, 1978. I was led to the interrogation room. There, Major Jolly and Chaudhary were sitting with drawn faces.






They tried every trick to persuade and pressurise me to side with them. They even went to the extent of assuring me of getting the Chief's pardon. They said they had done that in a number of cases in the past. But I stuck to my decision.






I was led back to my cell which I found was stripped off the bedding and the wooden plank. That of course was inevitable. I knew the torture would follow. And I prepared myself to face the ordeal for the last time, before I thought I died.






In the evening I was again led to the interrogation room this time a different one, and found myself confronted with a new face. The man sat flanked by Major Jolly and Chaudhary. Apparently the man was another Senior Officer.






The SO, without wasting a second let loose a rain of abuses.






`You bastard, a mangy wretched dog of the street, you mother fucker, you son of a pig.....'






`Stop this, I requested you, sir to stop abusing,' I interrupted. I had already prepared myself for the inevitable death. `I shall not listen anymore of these abuses and disgrace, at least not before dying'. I thought, and said, `Stop using any filthy language. I shall listen to no more, I have had enough of it. Though I know I can do nothing which might hurt you. But before dying I can do one thing, that is to abuse you back in the same language. I am sure sir, you would not like that', I said.






The SO was very puzzled and confused and took time to find correct words for an answer, and when he found them, the SO spoke in a deep growl.






`All right, ... all right. I shall not abuse you. But tell me what is the meaning of all this?'






`Meaning of what, sir?' I questioned.






`That now you say you're innocent and so is everyone else. Then why the hell didn't you say it earlier? And I wonder how the hell everyone of you know kandral Post and Major Khan?'






`I have sufficiently elaborated in the letter to major Jolly how it happened. And before that too, not once but a number of times I have told them about my innocence. I even told Colonel Gupta. And the reward I received for telling the truth was torture. As far as Kandral Post and Major Khan are concerned, I suggest it would be better if you ask this question from these gentlemen. They would explain it better.' I said this sarcastically looking at jolly and Chaudhary.






`What torture are you talking about?'






`Sir, the torture, as a result of which I have been mutilated ..... here,' I told this to the SO by pointing to the marks on my face, and added `this type of torture.'






`That's all? The SO as if the marks had no significance for him.






`Show him the others also' Mr. Chaudhary intervened. I looked at Chaudhary contemptuously and said, `Is it of any use?'






`Do you know my dear Captain Rathaur, what you're asking for?' The SO said derisively.






`Yes, sir. I know that. But let me make myself clear to you. I am prepared for the worst. And worst is the only thing that I can expect from people like you. You're saying as if I have not seen during this period what can be expected... death? I don't think you or these gentlemen can give me more than that. Can you. sir?' I said bitterly.






`Rathaur, please calm down and listen to me carefully. I assure you of the Chief's pardon. Dammit what more do you want?... And if you still want to be adamant like a fool, then don't worry we'll get you a fair trial. But remember you will surely be sent away for rotting in the jail for the rest of your life.'






`Fair trial. Eh?' I smiled and said, `I shall be grateful to you, if you can bring me to trial at the earliest. I also thank you for your valuable advice. However, I would prefer to face the trial and if required spend the rest of my life in jail. But definitely, under no cost will I play with the lives of innocent people anymore than what I've been made to do already.'






`Then listen you are a blackmailer. You're trying to blackmail us and the authorities. But remember you're not the only one. There are scores of them begging us; begging to become approvers. I still give you a last chance to think it over.....'






`Blackmailing?' I interrupted, blackmailing whom, sir? And why should I blackmail? What do I achieve more that what you have already offered to me .... The Chief's pardon? Sir, black mailing you would be to obtain the assurance given by you in writing and then attach a copy of that with the proceedings of the first person, I am sent to depose against in the court. And that is a blackmail. What I thought was my responsibility, I have discharged that. Discharged it even under the morbid fear that I am living. I have told you the truth. Now it would amount to wasting your precious time if you're still going to insist... As for other persons, if they are really begging, than most certainly give them the opportunity. Yet before doing that think it over, what I have already said. They are all innocent.... Now, sir, I have done my duty in bringing out the truth to the best of my capabilities and so, absolved myself of any such remark as blackmailer or the likes.'






There was no answer.






`By the way, sir, why ask at all for approvers. These detectives have every evidence against us, collected and locked in their briefcase,' I said looking at the interrogators.






`Shut up. Don't fucking well pass any remarks.' The SO said. He got up and then left saying, `You shall repent this day my son.'